Got Boom?

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The power of words never ceases to amaze me no matter how old I get. It’s true! Our words either speak life or they speak death! Last week God allowed a gentleman’s words to slap me right smack dab in the face. It wasn’t a life-altering experience but it certainly gave me the nugget of hope I needed to propel me through the rest of the week and then some. I can only recall a couple of other times in my life when someones positive words left such a sweet impact on me.

It was just another Monday on the dental front! The phone was ringing. I’d answer it just in time for another, “Rrrrinnng” to breakthrough. I put the first call on hold as I answered the next call. Meanwhile, one of the assistants brought up a patient to be checked out and rescheduled. On the other side of the counter, another patient arrived and needed to be checked in. Organized Chaos! Ha! My co-worker and I attended to the needs of each person and things finally settled down. As it gets quiet, I hear an older gentleman, sitting in the waiting room say, “are you always this pleasant?” Insert the sound of screeching brakes! He stopped me in my tracks! I was dumbfounded. Some little mutated sounds and grunts came from my mouth until I finally managed to wiggle out some words. In hesitation, I said, “uuuum, … I… guess… so…”. He proceeded to go into detail about how he was treated recently at a business by the front desk personnel. He shook his head in discouragement as he explained. I was saddened by what he said and shared how sorry I was he was treated so badly. I said, sir…frankly, I don’t know how else to be.” He said, well, I really appreciate it. As he got up to leave, he once again said, “thank you for being so pleasant.” Wow! How humbling it is to know what seeps out of me naturally is also what fills me right back up. As I was writing this post a specific word came to mind, BOOMERANG! I got to thinking, I need to be careful what I’m throwing out there because whatever it is, will likely return with a uplifting, swift grab or an impaling blow.

May I encourage you to speak life into one another this week. Take time to show kindness and compassion. I searched for a quote or a saying to leave with you and I just so happened upon this beaut by Florence Scovel Shinn. It’s perfect.

Man received only that which he gives. The Game of Life is a game of boomerangs. Man’s thoughts, deeds and words, return to him sooner or later, with astounding accuracy.

To: Susan, the holder of my cans.

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Recently, I was on a mission cleaning out my Lazy Susan and a profound and bewildering question came to the forefront of my mind. It seems that in today’s day and age being offended is the thing to do. So I ask you, do you think “Susan” is offended that a circular rotating tray is named after her (aka… the Lazy Susan) and does she know the original name was deemed, dumbwaiter? If I was Susan, I may be questioning my identity and purpose! 😂

Signing off,   
"Creeping Jenny" 😛

It’s Time to Spice Things Up!

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It has been a very long time since I’ve thrown out expired goods, cleaned and organized my spice cupboard. As stated in my previous post, I got the cleaning bug and decided to give our cupboards the Jennebee what too. As I was going through each cupboard, I discovered just how long it’s been since the last purge. I’m quite embarrassed to “spill the beans” but my blog does say, “Jennebee – Wiser and EXPOSED!” So, let me let you in on a little secret. I found a spice I have been raising from a ripe young age. This little guy shares several commonalities with our second born. First, they were born in the same year, 2002. Yes! I have been harboring a spice in captivity since 2002. Secondly, they both put a lot of pizazz in the pot and thirdly, they both will be graduating this year. One will be graduating from high school and the other to the garbage can.

“Oh, the places they will go.” (Dr. Suess).

Fight or Flight

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A little punny “Left Wing” Nutcracker…

We’ve all been there at some point or another. When I say there, I mean letting go and SPREADING OUR WINGS. Now, at these times in our lives we can stay within the boundaries placed before us for our safety or we can FLAP our own way through life hoping for the best. Today’s story is ushered in by the GULL of our youngest daughters recent choices.

During this particular story, I will be OSTRICH-sizing our youngest, with her permission, of course. For story sake, let’s call her, Darter. Now, Darter is the only remaining CHICKADEE still in the ROOST. She is our FLEDGLING preparing to TAKE FLIGHT very soon. Recently, she has been…let’s call it… FLYING OFF THE RADAR. She’s been going SOLO and taking FLYING LESSONS into her own hands regardless of the CURLEW. So, in spite of the NEST rules, our little MOCKINGBIRD thinks she is AS WISE AS AN OWL and old enough to make her own decisions. Now, her father, BALD EAGLE and I, CUCKOO…EGRET to inform her that we are not EMU-sed and quite honestly, she has managed to turn us into “ANGRY BIRDS”.

After much thought, BALD EAGLE and I have come up with what we think will WHIP POOR WILL. Each of us has a consequence she must endure. With some careful thought I have planned the perfect evening of NESTLING. We will be BIRD WATCHING some of my favorite movies. That’s punishment, you say? Yes! It is going to be hard to SWALLOW because it will enTAIL the wonderful movies she has refused to watch with me as a TANAGER. Not only will she be enduring moments of utter bliss engaging in the wonders of my movies but she will be entirely OFF THE GRID and CAGED when doing so. There will be no TWEETING of any sort. Sorry, PEEPS. And for the bonus round, I, CUCKOO will have full access to do all of the things she refuses me on a the daily like, hugging, conversing, cuddling, breathing, placing her hair behind ear, kissing her on the forehead, wiping her face with my spit, etc. Do you want to know why this is going to work? It will work because when I speak of it she turns into a RED BILLED OXPECKER and she has already insisted on an alternative consequence. She thinks, THIS PLACE IS FOR THE BIRDS! Here is me handing her a MOIST OULET for her tears. Insert hysterical COOING and SONG’S of laughter. I QUACK myself up!

Now, I realize some of you will think that spending time with your mom should never be a consequence and I totally agree. CHIRRUP, this is not something I will continue. At times, as a parent, we have to be creative in the area of discipline and use their own STROKES against them. Remember, TOUCAN play at this game! 😀

This is going to definitely RUFFLE DARTER’S FEATHERS but she will come out of it with FLYING colors. If we’re lucky, she will have a new BIRDS EYE VIEW just in time to get DOWN with BALD EAGLE and partake in the cleaning up of the the outside AVIARY.

Here’s to an evening of many TRILLS and HAWKward moments.

Signing off from the HOTSPOT,


The Future You

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Recently, I’ve been hearing more and more young people complaining about their aches and pains. Now, that I’m approaching my 50’s and coming in hot, I thought I would address this particular issue from my perspective.

So, let’s begin by doing a little experiment. I want you to go and find your favorite spot on the couch. The spot where you go to melt into the fabric and become one with the couch. Now, get all settled in with your book or movie. Cover yourself up with the soft, fluffy, lavender-meadow or campfire-spruce, smelling blanket. Aaahhh, isn’t that nice? Now, GET UP!!! If you can go from your lying or sitting position in 0 to 5 seconds without maneuvering one way or another, scooting, grunting or needing to grasp the armrest for extra ooooomph…you are still in what I’m going to call the  “foreplay” of the pain in life.”

During my 20’s and 30’s, I experienced much discomfort which I chalked up as “pain.” Ha! For you youngin’s out there, I’m going to let you in on a little secret. Those first initial aches are like Braxton Hicks contractions during pregnancy. They’re just uncomfortable enough to get your attention but honey, you ain’t felt nothing yet! See, those aches in your 20’s and 30’s eventually are over-taken with multiple other pains in spots you didn’t even know you had. They come in at a quantity and speed which actually render the initial “foreplay pains”, null and void. Haha!

Getting old isn’t for the weak! Have you ever asked an elderly person, how they are doing? Let me guess, they broke it down for you by muscle, joint and/or body function. Ha! They aren’t wrong! We may laugh, giggle and joke about their responses. We may even think of them as the weaker being. I personally think it’s quite the opposite. I think they are the strong ones! They get up every day knowing they are going to be fighting their own bodies doing the simplest of tasks. Yet, they get up and do it!

If you are blessed enough to live a long life, know…there will come a time when your body will fail you. But, take heart. This will be your time to shine! The baton will have switched hands and you will be the one able to talk up all your dysfunctional limbs, organs and body parts to the young. Isn’t it going to be great! For me, there will be NO detail withheld from any and all who may ask, how I am? I’m particularly looking forward to when I get the “elderly pass” to release the gases within, out loud with no conscience, while leaving a trail of silver glitter. Wink! It’s just a puff and a blow away. Are you ready?

Word of the Day!

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Let’s shake things up a bit! How about I shoot you out an entertaining word on occasion AND challenge you to find a way to use it throughout your day? I will do my best to give you the proper pronunciation, interpretation and/or meaning.

Your challenge word is “BORBORYGM.”

My interpretation – when my stomach sounds like a Kentucky jug band and refuses to use its inside voice while demanding an audience of strangers.

Definition: Borborygm is the gurgling commotion your stomach and/or intestines make when moving around gases aka growling or rumbling.

Pronounced – bOr ber ig m – Bor is pronounced like a wild “Bore”. Ber is pronounced like ber in Iceberg. The ig is pronounced like the ig in Pig. The m is pronounced like um.

Let me know if you found a way to use the word and the reactions you got when using it. We are smarter now! Go get um!

This is an oldie but a goosy!

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Directionally Challenged

I shared this story several years ago as a Facebook post. I thought it would be fun to refresh and revisit. One of my friend’s daughter once said, “North is always the direction I’m facing. “HA! This about sums it up for me as well. If there was a class for the directionally challenged, my name would encompass the top of the list. Get it, enCOMPASS? Ha! The tale I’m about to share begins in the quaint, historic town of Medora, ND, as some dear friends and I were attending a women’s retreat. Retreats are an amazing time of growth, encouragement and learning how to shine your light brighter. “This little light of mine, I’m going to let it shine” (Harry Dixon Loes). Do you remember singing this song as a youngin’? Now, if only my light and inner compass actually worked as a physical handheld flashlight and functioning handheld compass, I wouldn’t get myself into such enlightening situations.

Let me set the scene. The grandeur of Medora, North Dakota aka the North Dakota Badlands is absolutely breathtaking! This little tourist town is the home of the Theodore Roosevelt National Park. There are critters of all kinds roaming about. The air is cool and brisk coming off of the color cast mountains. It’s absolutely amazing. On our first evening at our delightful inn, we decided to turn off the heat to breath in some of the cool mountain air. Can’t you smell it and feel it? Who doesn’t sleep better with a touch of briskness in the air? I was lucky enough to room with my dear friend, Jolynn. She was a “Rockstar” of a roommate. After doing some talking and mulling over what we had absorbed that day through various speakers and such, we decided to settle in for the night. When the lights went off, our room turned pitch black. Aaahhh, the perfect sleeping atmosphere! All was well and I was in a sweet, sweet slumber until about 3 am in God’s country when I awoke to goose pimples from head to toe from the frigid mountain temperatures. Maybe turning the heat completely off wasn’t the brightest idea. I opened my eyes to pure darkness, trying to figure out what I could do to get warm without actually moooving or getting out of bed. Ah ha! Let me grab the blankets on the other side of the bed and double them over. Yes! You are so smart, Jenne. Double warmth. To my dismay, Operation Cover-Up was less than successful. Note to self: a small, full-size bed sheet and blanket doubled over are not quite enough to cover and accommodate this gently rounded backside. Do you know that saying, “Use what your mama gave ya”? This is wonderful and even beneficial if you are referring to recipes but backsides are an entirely different entity. At least mine is! After what seemed like a grand idea, failed, I had to bite the bullet and leave my covers. I mustered up the nerve, put my feet on the floor and left my bed. Any bit of warmth I held in my body completely left. I fought the frigid cold temperatures and the black of the night and managed to make my way to the heater and crank that baby on. I got back into my bed and eventually thawed out but not much sleep was had that evening. To this day, I’m not quite sure how Jolynn stayed warm and slept through all the chattering of my teeth. This – Our first night in Medora take one.

Saturday, the following night, exhausted and emotional from speakers, and internalizing the topics discussed, Jo and I got our last words in (yeh, right!) before falling into a not so good–away from home–need my king size bed–kinda sleep. I dozed off for a while but once again at 3 am in God’s country, I awoke. Only this time it was nature calling. As I opened my eyes to this much to frequent middle of the night charade, I put my feet on the floor and stood up. I QUIETLY took a couple of steps, as not to wake up Jolynn. I was a bit discombobulated and far from alert. I began having deja vu from the night before. However, this night was a bit different in that my journey was going to be longer in length. With each careful, quiet step, I dreaded the idea of sitting on a cold toilet seat. Uhg! There is nothing like sitting on what feels like a cast-iron commode in the wee hours of the morning when the spark plugs aren’t quite igniting yet and your body temperature is wavering! I knew I was approaching the bathroom and within a few steps, I did what any one of us would do and put my hands and arms out in front of me. Feeling confident at the task at hand, I used my right arm to prepared myself for the upcoming wall. My left arm was held out and exposed for comfort, balance, and protection like a cricket antenna. So far so good! I found the wall with my right hand and prepared for the bathroom door. I reached for the bathroom door and pushed it open with my left hand. I continued to walk with a confident momentum, knowing I had made it. AND THEN IT HIT ME! My confidence was completely shattered and replaced with pink elephants and stars dancing above my head.

It was the meeting of a lifetime. Forehead meets the door frame. Initiate the romantic music, conductor! Things began moving in slow motion as the whimsical butterflies floated through the air. The encounter was instant and painfully real. They both knew they would never be the same. The enchanted meeting was unlike any other. The endearing illumination left forehead in a silly spin of infatuation, while the door frame encompassed a strong yet charming exterior. If it wasn’t for the loud thug vibrating from the frame of the door, no human ear could have heard their embrace. Their brief encounter left a lasting impression and because of the impact, an egg was formed. I think this might be rated PG-13. Ha! Regardless, the egg was a beauty and one that would flourish for days to come.

Okay, now back to my 3:03 am reality. After analyzing the protruding forehead growth forming on my head and relieving natures call I headed back to my bed. With much effort, I planned the route back to my bed. My plan included leaving the bathroom light on while getting my body completely out of the bathroom doorway. I would keep stepping and stretching in this position until the tippies of my fingers could barely touch the light switch any longer – kinda like the stretchy gooey colored toy hands that stick to the wall. Uffffft! Success! I made it back to my bed without any further encounters! I was amazed that in all of this commotion, again…Jolynn did not wake up. As I plopped on my bed, I felt throbbing pain oozing from my cranium. I took a breath through the pain and realized I needed to do something to help relieve the inflammation and discomfort of my little run-in. If only we would have grabbed some ice from the front desk. Hmm…this is when a metal spoon would have come in handy (old medicine) and I would have rested that baby on the developing appendage growing out of my head. Well, now what? Enter the light bulb above my head. I got it! I came packin’!!! I not only packed my Conair ½ inch Dual Voltage Curling Iron, but I also came prepared with my 1 ¼ inch Conair Turbo Heat Styling Powered Dual Voltage Curling Iron – Who-AHH! This is where I make a manly grunt sound! Perhaps the intense encounter with the door frame left me smarter because this time when venturing into the darkness, I used my phone flashlight to retrieve my weapons of mass preservation. The cold metal iron on my head relieved some of the initial pain and swelling but the consuming clash left me needing some hefty reinforcements in the form of pills. Now, being resourceful amid adversary is a very admirable characteristic, however, needing a lighted GPS in the first place kinda nixes the credibility of the resourcefulness all together. I can’t help but remember not only did the beautiful sunrise the next morning in the lovely Badlands of North Dakota but so did the North Star on my forehead. To my dismay, it was alive, proud and happy to be there.

Let me leave you with a couple tidbits of meaningful insight. A forehead-door frame goose egg fits very nicely into the crevice of the curling iron handle/heating element and living in cold darkness is never a good thing!

Genesis 1:4 God saw that the light was good, and He separated the light from the darkness.

Con-Air Brown


Celebrity Shenanigan’s

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Since I’ve recently started this blog I have been busy trying to figure out how everything works. I’ve gotten some much-needed advice from a dear, hometown gal who has her own amazing and successful blog. She stresses how important it is to get out on social media to promote myself and be seen. Now, remember, I am just a chatty, North Dakota gal who is a bit old school and a tad sheltered. I have not gotten very familiar or interactive with Twitter or Instagram. Most of my friends and family tend to stick to Facebook much more than any of the other social sites. Well, I’m here to tell you this week was different! I not only went all out on Twitter, Instagram, Pinterest and the like, I LIKED and FOLLOWED people like I was a newborn looking for a nipple. Yep, I liked this and followed them and commented on that. Ain’t no one getting past me! 😛

Now, beings I have a creative brain learning how to build my website using detailed information such as CSS, AMP, and infinite scrolls is like sending my husband, a tea drinker, to the parts store to get me a handpicked bean-double-double-skinny-decaf-rice milk-hold the foam with legs coffee drink. It makes no sense! Now, I took my friend’s advice seriously and this week after following, liking and commenting on several blogs, sites and people on social media, I woke up to two amazing comments. You see, I went out on a limb and followed people like Pharrell Williams, MercyMe, Blake Shelton, Carrie Underwood and more. I went BIG! I mean, why not? I normally don’t follow people of this caliber because well, who am I but another fan who enjoys their talents and gifts. The chances of them following me in return would be highly unlikely, in my simple mind at least. Wow, was I mistaken or so I thought!

Early the next morning around 3:30 am, on one of my bathroom excursions, I looked at my phone. With grogginess and slightly blurred vision, I clicked on the Twitter icon alert at the top of my phone. Say what? You aren’t going to believe this but there was a message from a celebrity. Let us call him, Harry. Ladies and gentlemen not only was he following me but he sent me a message saying, Hello. I read it, reread it, rereread again and again in disbelief. Ummm…how can this be? No waaaay. I mean, I’m just me and well…they are them, FAMOUS and all. What do I do? Do I respond? I’m half-witted from lack of sleep and still in a bit of shock. I thought about it and decided this is a once in a lifetime thing.  I can’t be rude and disrespect someone of this magnitude. Do I say something fun and exuberant? Should I put a lot of thought into it? To my dismay, HELLO, is all I could muster at that time of the morning. With some anxiety, I pushed send. Right after I pushed the send button a message kicked back saying, not able to send. Well fine! I wasn’t going to give up just yet and therefore tried not once but three more times. Hmmm…ok, well, that’s enough. I’d better give it a rest because if the messages do finally go through, he will think I’m a looney from the boonies by responding four times. Surprisingly, I laid back down and went back to sleep for a bit until I heard some little feet and noticed the dog needed to get out for her potty break. This time it was about 4:30 am-ish. Once again, as I went to lay down after pottying the dog, I looked at my phone. Holy Mary Mother of God! I had another follow and message from another famous person. This time it was from, let us call him…Will. Could it be all the prayers and hard work is already paying off? Is God shining on me? I proceeded to read the message.  Will, not only said, hello but asked how I was doing? Oh my Lord! What is this? Two famous people reaching out to me within an hour of each other. Butter my butt and call me a biscuit! I got this! Woot! Woot! But how? Why in the world would they care or even notice me? You can imagine what was going on in this head of mine. The sleepy stupids were getting the best of me! Hmm…then I thought, what if Harry and Will are on tour together having a few drinks, both noticed I followed them and now they are having some fun messing with me! Yep, that’s got to be it.  But in my curiosity, and again, not wanting to be rude or disrespectful, I responded with another HELLO and pushed send. To my surprise my message SENT! I was in shock and a little uneasy. However, with all the excitement and stimulation I fell back to sleep until my alarm clock went off a couple of hours later.

At the sound of my alarm, l woke up and got ready for work. I did the usual and greeted my husband and daughters with a good morning. My husband was right beside me all night but very unaware of the happenings from earlier that morning. I’m pretty sure, he could sleep on a clothesline and not be disrupted. I approached him as he was sitting on the couch and spilled all of the exciting goodness of my social media happenings. He didn’t have a huge reaction or show much emotion. Which is quite normal for this very level headed, detailed man of mine. With a flick of my hair and a giggle, I said, “You better watch out.” I then proceeded to tell my daughters the good news. Our youngest daughter said, why are all these people liking and following you? Now, that’s a big confidence booster, right there. Thanks, dear. I ate and said my goodbyes before heading off to work. Our snarky youngest, once again deflated my balloon and said, “Mom, you know the real authentic stars have a blue mark by there name and information, right?” I said, yeh…Will had a blue mark by his response. I don’t know if Harry did because, in all my excitement and the wee hours of the morning, I didn’t stop to look.

I got to work and shared my awesome news with my co-worker. I showed her the responses from Will and Harry right beside their lovely, handsome faces. I think we both were in disbelief. Within an hour of getting to work, believe it or not, I got another response from Will. He said, how was your night? Um, now things were getting slightly forward. Hmm..ok, I was thinking, Will, slow it down brother. Isn’t that a tad personal and quite a jump from a greeting of hello and how are you? Besides, isn’t “how was your night” words of a song title? Ok, ok!  Either Will is that nice or something is up. It was time to test this sudden interest in me and so I responded with, “do you want the truth or just fluff”. I mean what male willingly stops and takes the time to listen to a female stranger’s rantings. Ha! To my surprise, Will was very willing to listen and wasn’t giving up. His response to my question was, “well…the truth of course”. Oh, uh uhh! No, no…this is not ok. I’m sorry Will, you handsome man, but this greeting affair must come to an end. I certainly wasn’t going to initiate any further conversation. After all, I am a happily married woman. It was at that moment that my youngest daughter’s wise words returned to me, “the real celebrities have a blue checkmark by their name.”OH! Now it was on!  It was time to get FBI Agent Brown on the scene. With frustration and distress, I looked up Harry and Will on Twitter and Instagram and located the blue checkmark. Yes, and there it is a pretty blue checkmark. I then located Will and Harry from my messages. Yes, and there it is a pretty blue diamond. Wait! What? A diamond. This was turning into a flippin’ Lucky Charms game with me as the Leprechaun! At the sight of the diamond, I did what any happily married slightly middle-aged woman would do. I mumbled to myself while my hormones sent up flares. Oh, hell NO! I ain’t no naive, namby-pamby…(well, maybe for a second). Showing no remorse, I went into my social media account settings and with such hostility, I turned those suckers in. Not only that but I hit my block button with such force it left a lasting fingerprint. Ain’t no one going to mess with this GEM! My mama raised no fool!

The fame of not being recognized by a celebrity took its toll but eventually wore off. 😀 When life gives you lemons you write about it. At least this is what I do. It was an eventful week packed full of many emotions, to say the least from understanding accelerated mobile pages to fighting off imitation celebrities. But, I am happy to report I’ve used my highly intense tattle-tale -blocking skills every day this week to wort off several other so-called celebrities trying to get all up in my business. They are relentless! What else can I say but sorry boys, this God-fearing woman is unavailable and knows and studies her shapes. Move along!!

Disclaimer: I realize I made this subject humorous but please ladies be careful out there. Please don’t be taken in by these impostors. To all the celebrities, I apologize for the fools who use your presence and prestige to deceive others. Blessings and keep looking for the blue checkmark!

The 3rd’s a Charm

Since our daughter recently got her wisdom teeth removed and is working through the discomfort of healing and since I’m a bit inquizative I thought I would look up, how wisdom teeth got their name. As my brother would say, “I used the Google” to inquire about such things. To me, it just seemed reasonable to look up something that uses such a profound word such as Wisdom.

Well, what I found out from the internet express gave me quite a chuckle. Wisdom teeth are the last set of molars to surface which gives them their other name, 3rd molars. We have one, two, three sets with some exceptions. This I knew! But what I found rather funny while reading was when it stated these teeth of wisdom tend to come in at an age when one should be wiser, around the ages of 16-25. Age 16-25? Insert a comic laugh, snort and tears of laughter. Wouldn’t a better name be, Green Teeth? Bahahhahahahahaha. I’m just curious if wisdom teeth come between age 16-25 then what do we get from age 26-49? Because, all I have noticed is sporadic facial hair, some weird growths in odd places and an extra chin.

C’mon, show me some teeth! 🙂

Admission of an Inaccurate Oversight Continued…

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…….In my last post I was discussing my most favorite doctor visit of all time! It included a hospital ball gown (ooh la la), my full exposure (*mild alarm sound*), a handsome medical student (*comic shriek*) and a peeker inner (ZOINK).

Ok, so let’s see. When I left you I was eating humble pie. The doctor and I made a plan of attack for my ailing female parts. The nurse, the med student and all staff members had exited the exam room. Alas, Alas! I had the room all to myself! It was me, just mealone— with my own thoughts and my own parts. All I had left to do was tidy up, get dressed and do the, “please don’t remember what my parts look like — walk” down the hall. So, as soon as I heard the latch of the door click shut, I was off that table at full throttle! I dismantled that gown like wildfire and headed to the counter of goodies where they keep the handy-dandy wipes, and if your lucky, the safety suckers. Oh boy, did I deserve a sucker that day! I grabbed what I needed and began the cleaning process trying to wipe away any and every remnant of bodily fluid I could find in “that” general vicinity. During the cleaning process, I did some self-talk in hopes of reclaiming any shred of dignity I had left before walking out the door. But before I could get my pants on, I felt something funny. I began having some interesting tingly sensations, as in burning and irritation, in the area of latest concern. I thought, hmmmm… well, this is new! I thought about it for a second and realized I must have been a little aggressive while cleaning the Brown’s Bakery and Confection Connection. I finished getting dressed and did the walk of shame down the hall to the door, doing my best not to make any direct eye contact with any of the staff members. Ufft! I did it! I reached the exit door. I flung that bad boy open with one push (Insert song: “The Hills are Alive with the Sound of Music” – from The Sound Of Music) and didn’t look back! As far as my wounded parts, they continued to show signs of irritation but again I chalked it up to the scouring and spit shine process that had taken place after my exam. The discomfort only lasted a few hours.

Now, fast forward several months to a day when I was cleaning at work.

Let me stop and go into a little bit of a background here. I work at a dental office. I love my job. I especially love interacting with our patients. There are times when answering the phone and checking in patients is also accompanied by cleanliness and safety concerns. Dental offices deal with certain individuals who do not hesitate to hand off their dentures, broken crowns or individual teeth into your bare hands like their a piece of yummy candy. They aren’t thinking of the blood, bodily fluids, bodily tissues, mucous membranes or broken skin that could cause others disease and sickness. Disclaimer: OSHA, highly frowns upon the passing on of bloodborn diseases and such. Ha! My advice to you, do not extend a hand in a dental office without knowing what lies in the hand of the another. Head nods, fist bumps and a thumbs up are all acceptable in replacement of hand shakes. 😉 Mouth parts and pieces are not the only things one has to encounter at a dental office; certain treatments are required on certain individuals on the daily. So, after these treatments and when patients are ready to leave the office, we find that some of them are not in complete control of their cheeks, lips and gums. And while in this state, bodily fluids and saliva can escape the perimeter of their lips and make contact on surfaces throughout the facility. This is where my coworkers and I come in. Dunt Da Da Da! Capes on, we grab the cleaning wipes and wipe down all surfaces that could have made contact with patient X’s ejected drizzle.

Now, getting back to my story. As I was cleaning and disinfecting after a spittle episode, I realized a strange familiarity and smell to the wipes I was using. Now, mind you these wipes are not just any wipes. These are the super duper, very concentrated chemical wipes that will kill anything they touch. Hence, gloves must be worn when using them. On their container description is a WARNING explaining the possibility and concern for causing cancer. Holy Mary Mother of God! The room became very small and spinny! A flash back to months ago races through my mind as I saw the coloring on the container I pulled from the counter. At that precise moment in time, I realized I had grabbed the wrong wipes on the counter at the clinic that glorious, PAPpy, day . Being so frazzled by the happenings of my exam and in the midst of the excitement of the appointment ending, I had inadvertently grabbed the wrong wipes! NO WONDER MY HONEY POT WAS HOT AND BURNING! I was destroying ALL the good bacteria because of my scouring crusade. Oh, bother!

I must tell you. I have since noticed while at my doctors visits that these certain wipes are not as accessible to the public as before. In fact, they have been removed from the countertop and replaced with these HUGE gentle body cleansing wipes. Now, one can only assume that I was not the only victim of this discreditable charade. However, I am the only one shameless enough to tell all of you about my accidental yet amusing misfortune. So, friends, learn from me. It’s not just the rays spilling out from the microwave when warming up your day old meatloaf or the methane cow farts causing global warming and cancerous fumes, it’s the disguised toxic wipes placed strategically next to the “SUCKERS” at the doctors office that will catch you by surprise and leave you wiser and exposed!