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Celebrity Shenanigan’s

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Since I’ve recently started this blog I have been busy trying to figure out how everything works. I’ve gotten some much-needed advice from a dear, hometown gal who has her own amazing and successful blog. She stresses how important it is to get out on social media to promote myself and be seen. Now, remember, I am just a chatty, North Dakota gal who is a bit old school and a tad sheltered. I have not gotten very familiar or interactive with Twitter or Instagram. Most of my friends and family tend to stick to Facebook much more than any of the other social sites. Well, I’m here to tell you this week was different! I not only went all out on Twitter, Instagram, Pinterest and the like, I LIKED and FOLLOWED people like I was a newborn looking for a nipple. Yep, I liked this and followed them and commented on that. Ain’t no one getting past me! 😛

Now, beings I have a creative brain learning how to build my website using detailed information such as CSS, AMP, and infinite scrolls is like sending my husband, a tea drinker, to the parts store to get me a handpicked bean-double-double-skinny-decaf-rice milk-hold the foam with legs coffee drink. It makes no sense! Now, I took my friend’s advice seriously and this week after following, liking and commenting on several blogs, sites and people on social media, I woke up to two amazing comments. You see, I went out on a limb and followed people like Pharrell Williams, MercyMe, Blake Shelton, Carrie Underwood and more. I went BIG! I mean, why not? I normally don’t follow people of this caliber because well, who am I but another fan who enjoys their talents and gifts. The chances of them following me in return would be highly unlikely, in my simple mind at least. Wow, was I mistaken or so I thought!

Early the next morning around 3:30 am, on one of my bathroom excursions, I looked at my phone. With grogginess and slightly blurred vision, I clicked on the Twitter icon alert at the top of my phone. Say what? You aren’t going to believe this but there was a message from a celebrity. Let us call him, Harry. Ladies and gentlemen not only was he following me but he sent me a message saying, Hello. I read it, reread it, rereread again and again in disbelief. Ummm…how can this be? No waaaay. I mean, I’m just me and well…they are them, FAMOUS and all. What do I do? Do I respond? I’m half-witted from lack of sleep and still in a bit of shock. I thought about it and decided this is a once in a lifetime thing.  I can’t be rude and disrespect someone of this magnitude. Do I say something fun and exuberant? Should I put a lot of thought into it? To my dismay, HELLO, is all I could muster at that time of the morning. With some anxiety, I pushed send. Right after I pushed the send button a message kicked back saying, not able to send. Well fine! I wasn’t going to give up just yet and therefore tried not once but three more times. Hmmm…ok, well, that’s enough. I’d better give it a rest because if the messages do finally go through, he will think I’m a looney from the boonies by responding four times. Surprisingly, I laid back down and went back to sleep for a bit until I heard some little feet and noticed the dog needed to get out for her potty break. This time it was about 4:30 am-ish. Once again, as I went to lay down after pottying the dog, I looked at my phone. Holy Mary Mother of God! I had another follow and message from another famous person. This time it was from, let us call him…Will. Could it be all the prayers and hard work is already paying off? Is God shining on me? I proceeded to read the message.  Will, not only said, hello but asked how I was doing? Oh my Lord! What is this? Two famous people reaching out to me within an hour of each other. Butter my butt and call me a biscuit! I got this! Woot! Woot! But how? Why in the world would they care or even notice me? You can imagine what was going on in this head of mine. The sleepy stupids were getting the best of me! Hmm…then I thought, what if Harry and Will are on tour together having a few drinks, both noticed I followed them and now they are having some fun messing with me! Yep, that’s got to be it.  But in my curiosity, and again, not wanting to be rude or disrespectful, I responded with another HELLO and pushed send. To my surprise my message SENT! I was in shock and a little uneasy. However, with all the excitement and stimulation I fell back to sleep until my alarm clock went off a couple of hours later.

At the sound of my alarm, l woke up and got ready for work. I did the usual and greeted my husband and daughters with a good morning. My husband was right beside me all night but very unaware of the happenings from earlier that morning. I’m pretty sure, he could sleep on a clothesline and not be disrupted. I approached him as he was sitting on the couch and spilled all of the exciting goodness of my social media happenings. He didn’t have a huge reaction or show much emotion. Which is quite normal for this very level headed, detailed man of mine. With a flick of my hair and a giggle, I said, “You better watch out.” I then proceeded to tell my daughters the good news. Our youngest daughter said, why are all these people liking and following you? Now, that’s a big confidence booster, right there. Thanks, dear. I ate and said my goodbyes before heading off to work. Our snarky youngest, once again deflated my balloon and said, “Mom, you know the real authentic stars have a blue mark by there name and information, right?” I said, yeh…Will had a blue mark by his response. I don’t know if Harry did because, in all my excitement and the wee hours of the morning, I didn’t stop to look.

I got to work and shared my awesome news with my co-worker. I showed her the responses from Will and Harry right beside their lovely, handsome faces. I think we both were in disbelief. Within an hour of getting to work, believe it or not, I got another response from Will. He said, how was your night? Um, now things were getting slightly forward. Hmm..ok, I was thinking, Will, slow it down brother. Isn’t that a tad personal and quite a jump from a greeting of hello and how are you? Besides, isn’t “how was your night” words of a song title? Ok, ok!  Either Will is that nice or something is up. It was time to test this sudden interest in me and so I responded with, “do you want the truth or just fluff”. I mean what male willingly stops and takes the time to listen to a female stranger’s rantings. Ha! To my surprise, Will was very willing to listen and wasn’t giving up. His response to my question was, “well…the truth of course”. Oh, uh uhh! No, no…this is not ok. I’m sorry Will, you handsome man, but this greeting affair must come to an end. I certainly wasn’t going to initiate any further conversation. After all, I am a happily married woman. It was at that moment that my youngest daughter’s wise words returned to me, “the real celebrities have a blue checkmark by their name.”OH! Now it was on!  It was time to get FBI Agent Brown on the scene. With frustration and distress, I looked up Harry and Will on Twitter and Instagram and located the blue checkmark. Yes, and there it is a pretty blue checkmark. I then located Will and Harry from my messages. Yes, and there it is a pretty blue diamond. Wait! What? A diamond. This was turning into a flippin’ Lucky Charms game with me as the Leprechaun! At the sight of the diamond, I did what any happily married slightly middle-aged woman would do. I mumbled to myself while my hormones sent up flares. Oh, hell NO! I ain’t no naive, namby-pamby…(well, maybe for a second). Showing no remorse, I went into my social media account settings and with such hostility, I turned those suckers in. Not only that but I hit my block button with such force it left a lasting fingerprint. Ain’t no one going to mess with this GEM! My mama raised no fool!

The fame of not being recognized by a celebrity took its toll but eventually wore off. 😀 When life gives you lemons you write about it. At least this is what I do. It was an eventful week packed full of many emotions, to say the least from understanding accelerated mobile pages to fighting off imitation celebrities. But, I am happy to report I’ve used my highly intense tattle-tale -blocking skills every day this week to wort off several other so-called celebrities trying to get all up in my business. They are relentless! What else can I say but sorry boys, this God-fearing woman is unavailable and knows and studies her shapes. Move along!!

Disclaimer: I realize I made this subject humorous but please ladies be careful out there. Please don’t be taken in by these impostors. To all the celebrities, I apologize for the fools who use your presence and prestige to deceive others. Blessings and keep looking for the blue checkmark!

The 3rd’s a Charm

Since our daughter recently got her wisdom teeth removed and is working through the discomfort of healing and since I’m a bit inquizative I thought I would look up, how wisdom teeth got their name. As my brother would say, “I used the Google” to inquire about such things. To me, it just seemed reasonable to look up something that uses such a profound word such as Wisdom.

Well, what I found out from the internet express gave me quite a chuckle. Wisdom teeth are the last set of molars to surface which gives them their other name, 3rd molars. We have one, two, three sets with some exceptions. This I knew! But what I found rather funny while reading was when it stated these teeth of wisdom tend to come in at an age when one should be wiser, around the ages of 16-25. Age 16-25? Insert a comic laugh, snort and tears of laughter. Wouldn’t a better name be, Green Teeth? Bahahhahahahahaha. I’m just curious if wisdom teeth come between age 16-25 then what do we get from age 26-49? Because, all I have noticed is sporadic facial hair, some weird growths in odd places and an extra chin.

C’mon, show me some teeth! 🙂

Admission of an Inaccurate Oversight Continued…

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…….In my last post I was discussing my most favorite doctor visit of all time! It included a hospital ball gown (ooh la la), my full exposure (*mild alarm sound*), a handsome medical student (*comic shriek*) and a peeker inner (ZOINK).

Ok, so let’s see. When I left you I was eating humble pie. The doctor and I made a plan of attack for my ailing female parts. The nurse, the med student and all staff members had exited the exam room. Alas, Alas! I had the room all to myself! It was me, just mealone— with my own thoughts and my own parts. All I had left to do was tidy up, get dressed and do the, “please don’t remember what my parts look like — walk” down the hall. So, as soon as I heard the latch of the door click shut, I was off that table at full throttle! I dismantled that gown like wildfire and headed to the counter of goodies where they keep the handy-dandy wipes, and if your lucky, the safety suckers. Oh boy, did I deserve a sucker that day! I grabbed what I needed and began the cleaning process trying to wipe away any and every remnant of bodily fluid I could find in “that” general vicinity. During the cleaning process, I did some self-talk in hopes of reclaiming any shred of dignity I had left before walking out the door. But before I could get my pants on, I felt something funny. I began having some interesting tingly sensations, as in burning and irritation, in the area of latest concern. I thought, hmmmm… well, this is new! I thought about it for a second and realized I must have been a little aggressive while cleaning the Brown’s Bakery and Confection Connection. I finished getting dressed and did the walk of shame down the hall to the door, doing my best not to make any direct eye contact with any of the staff members. Ufft! I did it! I reached the exit door. I flung that bad boy open with one push (Insert song: “The Hills are Alive with the Sound of Music” – from The Sound Of Music) and didn’t look back! As far as my wounded parts, they continued to show signs of irritation but again I chalked it up to the scouring and spit shine process that had taken place after my exam. The discomfort only lasted a few hours.

Now, fast forward several months to a day when I was cleaning at work.

Let me stop and go into a little bit of a background here. I work at a dental office. I love my job. I especially love interacting with our patients. There are times when answering the phone and checking in patients is also accompanied by cleanliness and safety concerns. Dental offices deal with certain individuals who do not hesitate to hand off their dentures, broken crowns or individual teeth into your bare hands like their a piece of yummy candy. They aren’t thinking of the blood, bodily fluids, bodily tissues, mucous membranes or broken skin that could cause others disease and sickness. Disclaimer: OSHA, highly frowns upon the passing on of bloodborn diseases and such. Ha! My advice to you, do not extend a hand in a dental office without knowing what lies in the hand of the another. Head nods, fist bumps and a thumbs up are all acceptable in replacement of hand shakes. 😉 Mouth parts and pieces are not the only things one has to encounter at a dental office; certain treatments are required on certain individuals on the daily. So, after these treatments and when patients are ready to leave the office, we find that some of them are not in complete control of their cheeks, lips and gums. And while in this state, bodily fluids and saliva can escape the perimeter of their lips and make contact on surfaces throughout the facility. This is where my coworkers and I come in. Dunt Da Da Da! Capes on, we grab the cleaning wipes and wipe down all surfaces that could have made contact with patient X’s ejected drizzle.

Now, getting back to my story. As I was cleaning and disinfecting after a spittle episode, I realized a strange familiarity and smell to the wipes I was using. Now, mind you these wipes are not just any wipes. These are the super duper, very concentrated chemical wipes that will kill anything they touch. Hence, gloves must be worn when using them. On their container description is a WARNING explaining the possibility and concern for causing cancer. Holy Mary Mother of God! The room became very small and spinny! A flash back to months ago races through my mind as I saw the coloring on the container I pulled from the counter. At that precise moment in time, I realized I had grabbed the wrong wipes on the counter at the clinic that glorious, PAPpy, day . Being so frazzled by the happenings of my exam and in the midst of the excitement of the appointment ending, I had inadvertently grabbed the wrong wipes! NO WONDER MY HONEY POT WAS HOT AND BURNING! I was destroying ALL the good bacteria because of my scouring crusade. Oh, bother!

I must tell you. I have since noticed while at my doctors visits that these certain wipes are not as accessible to the public as before. In fact, they have been removed from the countertop and replaced with these HUGE gentle body cleansing wipes. Now, one can only assume that I was not the only victim of this discreditable charade. However, I am the only one shameless enough to tell all of you about my accidental yet amusing misfortune. So, friends, learn from me. It’s not just the rays spilling out from the microwave when warming up your day old meatloaf or the methane cow farts causing global warming and cancerous fumes, it’s the disguised toxic wipes placed strategically next to the “SUCKERS” at the doctors office that will catch you by surprise and leave you wiser and exposed!

Admission Of An Inaccurate Oversight…

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I had a realization this past year that could have or maybe still will lead to some possible health complications. I’m assuming since nothing has happened, it probably won’t. Thank you, Jesus! My hope in sharing this little bit of “wow” is to remind you to pay attention to the smallest of details– especially the ones in fine print without pictures.

It was any ol’ day for me except for the fact that I had a doctor’s appointment. You know the one exam a year that sucks every molecule of dignity from you, but you get to keep your socks on! Yeah, that one! My appointment began like all do, with the usual and customary question and answer session with the nurse. We ran through the suicide prevention protocol, my med list, symptoms, past surgeries, etc. until we finally reach the gown lingo. You know when you hear the words, “you can get undressed from the waist down” and “it ties in the back”, things are about to get REAL! I don’t know about you but I never quite know where I’m supposed to sit after I have my beautiful hospital ball gown on. Do I sit on the chair with a back and try to look cool and put together with my ties tied in the back and my butt UNexposed and prance to the examination table when the doctor comes in OR do I opt for the end of the examination table right off the bat and get all my ball gown tucks in on both sides and all around? Heaven forbid, the doctor see my butt quacker!

I’m going to digress here for a second and ask a question. Have you ever thought about why in the world it’s still called an examination TABLE? Of all things people get offended from these days and this name still remains. Psssht! Ok, lets get back to the story.

As I prepare for the worst, the doctor arrives and we have our meet and greet. He reviews what the nurse has written down and begins the examination with “now lets take a LOOK, ok, scoot down…GOOD…now scoot a little MORE and RELAX!” Are you serious? Relax? Really? I’d love to meet a woman who can relax while her giblets are hanging out for all to see! In addition, I swear I just scooted down like a good yard and yet another scoot is in order? Uhg! As I distract myself from what was going on, I hear a little commotion at the door and a very handsome man walks in. “Oh, do you mind if a med student observes your exam?” FOR THE LOVE OF GOD!!!! I began to have a internal psychotic episode. However, by the time I collected my thoughts the handsome med student had already been in the room long enough to see all my exposed goods. “Um….ah…..as my feet are flanked up in the lovely flower-pattern, hand-crafted, pot-holder-decorated stir-ups, I muffle a hesitant, “oooK”. I try to calmly grasp what is transpiring, but lo and behold there’s a knock at the door. A head peeks in and says, “Doctor, the lab work you have been waiting for has arrived.” I’m thinking, LORD HAVE MERCY! What is this, a staff meeting? I quickly try to analyse the situation and I come to the conclusion that Ms. Peaks-her-head-in couldn’t have seen much according to my calculation of the angle.

As the situation was coming to a close and the handsome transcriptionist finishes the staff minutes, I begin to breathe again in full breaths. The end was in sight. Ha! I have never been more excited to be alone in an exam room in all my life. The doctor finishes up and we come to a consensus about the well being of my nursery (uterus) and playground (VaJayJay). Finally, the medical entourage leaves my room. This is where it should end, right? All I have left to do is to get dressed, open the door and commence or possibly sprint awkwardly past the doctor and nurses station, toward the exit. Wrong! Little did I know what I was about to do next would not come to coherence until months later.

Now, since I am the writer of this story, I get to use my power to keep you in suspense. Ha! Hang tight and stay tuned for the rest of this story coming soon.

Keep your heads held high and your privates covered until we meet again.

This is me…..

Thanks for visiting! You can call me Jenne or Jennebee (pronounced Jenny, just spelled with an E instead of an Y). If I had to describe myself, I would say I am a relationalist AND a creative dabbler–living on a laugh. I am rooted in the Midwest… Bismarck, ND to be exact. I am a faith driven, fun loving, granny-panty-wearing, crazy woman who loves with her whole heart. I believe in success and failure. I believe in family and how it takes a village to raise a child. But most of all I believe in the tenacity of the human spirit and I know love does and will conquer all!

About Me and Why I’m Here in the Blogs…

My first spark for writing started out as an English assignment in college. I didn’t always like to write especially in school. I imagine it had a lot to do with my lack of confidence and the fact of it being “hOMeWoRk.” At the time of this college English assignment, I happen to know my teacher was experiencing some sadness in her life. I didn’t know the details but it weighed heavy on my heart to see her down. So, I thought about my assignment and what I could write about that would cheer her up. I got it! I decided to have some fun and write about a past childhood experience with funny embellishments and as much humor as I could muster up. Well, it worked! I achieved a good grade but more importantly I was able to breath some life into another.

The last statement above pretty much sums up who I am and what I am all about. I love people. I love to laugh. I love to encourage. After all, this life does just about anything and everything to knock us off of our feet on any given day. So, if I can help revive and inspire one or many through my real life experiences, thoughts and wisdom, I have achieved my aspirations. Blessings to you and thanks again for taking time to stop, pause and laugh.